Oh Baby?
by Kittenwithawhip2
Summary: Will and Grace's baby making plans get Karen thinking......Final chapter uploaded, please R
1. Default Chapter

This takes place in a time when Stan was still alive and he and Karen are still married, Grace is single and she and Will are still roommates.  
What was wrong with me, why did I care if Will and Grace decide to have a baby together? What a farce! That'll be a scene to see, the two of them with a baby. I can see it now, Wilma will pick on every little thing Grace does; she'll never be a good enough mother. What is she thinking? Why would she want to do this? Just throwing away her future like that, unbelievable! What's the big deal about babies anyway? It's one thing if you happened to get knocked up, but to purposefully get pregnant? I just don't get it.  
  
Stan thought it was a great idea when I told him. I shouldn't have opened my big mouth, now he's bugging me about having a baby again. Honestly, the man already has two kids, why would he want more? He's getting pretty desperate; he actually told me he'd give me anything I wanted if I'd agree to give him a baby. Damn Grace and her baby talk, now I'll never get Stan off my back.  
  
"Hi there Karen." Grace said as she and Will entered the office. It's nice to see you here before noontime.  
  
"Well, I wouldn't be here this early if it wasn't for you two and your damn baby making plans. You and Will have set a flame under Stan's biological clock and he can't keep his hands off me. Good lord woman, do you have any idea what that's like?  
  
"Ha, that's funny Kare, you and Stan having a baby! Now that's something I'd like to see. I mean, you pregnant? What is Stan thinking? Has he seen you sober? God knows I have, and let me tell ya, it aint pretty!" I don't know who would kill who first.  
  
"Oh you think it's so funny don't you Grace? I could handle being pregnant just fine, thank you very much!"  
  
"Karen, I'm gonna have to go with Grace on this one, you wouldn't last a week with out a martini, never mind nine months. And lets not forget the drugs. Come on Karen, some people are meant to have children and some others are not, and you my friend are not."  
  
"Not meant to have children? Talk about not meant to have children; if you were meant to have children Wilma do you think you'd be a big flaming homo? Talk about the pot calling the kettle black. Why you two are the last two people who should be making a baby together, but here you are, trying to make a baby."  
  
"Wait Karen, I'm sorry if we hurt your feelings, but come on, you don't really mean that. Will and I would make great parents."  
  
"Better parents than me and Stan you mean? You think you know so much don't you Grace? Well you know what? You don't know anything. That's right Grace, you don't know anything. I'm gonna go home, boink my big fat husband and let him knock me up! Yeah, that's right, I'm going to have a baby. No more drugs, no more booze, the only pills I'll be popping are prenatal vitamins!"  
  
"I hope you don't mind if I take the rest of the day off so I can go get pregnant."  
  
"Karen, what are you talking about? You're not going to get pregnant. Lets all calm down and talk this over.  
  
"There's nothing to talk about Grace. I've been giving this some thought and I do want to have a baby. If you think about it, it makes perfect sense. A baby is just the bargaining tool I need. And you know if Stanley should die I bet most of his money will go to his kids and the ex. Heck, maybe I'll have two babies, that'll put me at the top of the food chain!"  
  
"And then you and the demon seed will rule the world! What the heck are you talking about?" Will screeched. "You're going to bring a child into this world just to suit your own personal agenda? I underestimated you Karen, you are far more evil than I realized.  
  
"Well Karen, I don't know what to say to that. But, I think you should know that Will and I have decided to postpone our baby making plans for the time being."  
  
"Well, that's great Grace, but I'm not having a baby just because the two of you are. Stan does so much for me, this is the least I can do for him. Ha that sounded good right? Yeah, Stan's gonna like that. God this is perfect, why didn't I think of this sooner? He'll never leave me high and dry if I have his baby."  
  
"You're having a baby Karen?" Jack asked as he entered the office. "Who's the daddy?"  
  
"No one yet poodle, but I've decided to let Stanley knock me up!"  
  
"Yippee we're going to have a baby! Karen, why are you going to have a baby?"  
  
"To make Stanley happy, and by Stanley I mean me! Yeah, I don't know why I didn't think of it sooner. It's the perfect plan."  
  
"Karen, you do realize you're going have sex with the big guy in order to get pregnant?"  
  
"Oh Jack, Stan and I have sex, how do you think I earn my keep?"  
  
"Well, I don't know how you do it Karen, Stan is a really fat man. I just can't imagine."  
  
"Oh honey, you have no idea. But we do what we have to do. Hey Jackie why don't you come over tonight? Yeah, I'll do Stan, and then I'll feed him a couple turkeys and let him sleep it off. We can rent some gay porn, it'll be fun."  
  
"Well, if you're going to have gay porn, I'd like to come too." Grace said sheepishly.  
  
"No, I'm mad at you Grace Adler, if you're going mock my family making plans you are not welcome in my home. I have feelings you know, I am a human being."  
  
"Karen, Grace and I are sorry. We didn't mean anything by it."  
  
Well, Wilma I guess I'll let you two off the hook this time, but you need to realize your words have meaning and they can hurt."  
  
"Aw Karen, I feel really bad now."  
  
"Ah ha, ha, ha I got ya good that time. Words have meaning, oh that's rich! Boy I'm good."  
  
"Ok kiddies, it's been fun but I have to go pour the booze down the toilet. You guys come by around 8:00 ok? Stan should be knocked out by then.  
  
"Alright Karen, but be careful ok, I'm mean Stan is a really fat man!" 


	2. 2

"Tell me Karen, did you and Stan do the dirty deed?" Jack asked.  
  
"Yup, I could be impregnated as we speak."  
  
"Karen, let me ask you something before Grace gets here. Why are you really trying to get pregnant?"  
  
"Well, what do you mean Jack? I explained all that already."  
  
"Yeah, I know Karen, but come one, there's more to it than that. Will and Grace might believe your explanation, but I know you a little better than that. Come on Kare, what's going on?"  
  
"Ugh Jack, it's really not that big of a deal. Stan wants a baby, so who am I to deny him of that? Marriage is about give and take, and if I want to keep on taking I'm going to have to start doing some giving."  
  
"Wait a minute did Stan threaten to cut you off if you don't have a baby?"  
  
"No Jack, good lord, why are you making such a big deal about this? Women have babies' everyday. Why should I be any different from them?  
  
"You know what I think Karen? I think maybe your biological clock is the one that's been ticking away; I think you actually want to have a baby. Am I right?"  
  
"I don't know Jack. When Will and Grace decided to try to get pregnant I thought it was a really bad idea. But the more Grace talked about the baby the more I realized that maybe I was missing out on something. Stan's been wanting to have a baby for a long time, but I always thought it was something I didn't want. Once I started giving it some real thought, I realized that maybe it wasn't such a bad idea after all. I mean how hard can it be? I'll hire a nanny so I won't have to worry about changing diapers and feeding it and all that stuff. Stan is a really good father Jack, so even though I may not make a great mother, at least the kid will have one good parent."  
  
"Karen, you'll make a good mother, and I'm not just saying that. You take good care of me and I didn't even come out of you! What I'm trying to say Karen is don't be so hard on yourself, you'll be a good mom."  
  
"Aw thanks Jackie, what would I do without my best gal pal?"  
  
"I don't know Kare, you're pretty lucky to have me around. So, you're not going to take it personally if I don't hang out with you in public when you start showing are you? I mean that could do some real damage to my reputation if I'm seen with a prego."  
  
"Aw Jackie, you're even more shallow than me. And if you think I'm going to continue to support you in the manner in which you've become accustom you better believe you'll be seen in public with me. Besides, I don't even know if I can get pregnant. And even if I can, it might take a while. Good lord, just the thought of having that much sex with Stan is enough to make me want to change my mind about the whole thing."  
  
"Like I said Karen, I don't know how you do it; he's a really fat man! Hey I have an idea. Why don't you make Stan go on a diet? Yeah if you're going to have his baby the least he can do is lose a couple tons."  
  
"You know Jack, you might be onto something. I could tell him I'm worried he won't live to see his child grow up, on he'll like that! Yeah, he'll eat that up, oh that's funny, get it? Eat it up! Ah this pregnancy could be fun. I could get him to do all kinds of things." 


	3. 3

"So Karen, how's the baby making going?" Grace asked while working on some sketches. "You haven't mentioned anything over the last couple weeks, is everything going ok?"  
  
"I don't know Grace, maybe I can't even get pregnant, but I'll be damned if I've been having all this sex with Stan for nothing! Good lord that man is going to kill me one of these days. I'm telling you Grace I'm ready to call it quits."  
  
"Hmm, maybe the problem isn't with you, maybe the problem is with Stan."  
  
"Well I hadn't thought of that, he managed to knock up the ex twice. No, I'm sure it's me."  
  
"Well, don't call it quits yet Karen, I mean you didn't give up all the drugs and booze for nothing."  
  
"I know, I'm actually a few days late so I could be pregnant. Anyway, I'm having too much fun taking advantage of Stan to give up just yet. Do you know that man actually went on a diet? Yeah, it was Jacks idea. I told Stan I was worried about him not living to see our precious baby grow up and thought he should lose some weight, so he went out and hired a new cook. Yeah, he's counting calories, cutting down on carbohydrates. My god I actually saw fruit in the kitchen. Ha he even put the fat one on a diet. I'm telling you Grace, Stan and I have never been happier, and by Stan and me, I mean me! I haven't had this much fun since I had Rosario's jaw wired shut!"  
  
"Karen your plan seems brilliant but I would think you would want to keep Stan as unhealthy as possible in the hopes that he might have a sudden heart attack and leave you a multi millionaire."  
  
"Grace you should know better than that. There's no way in hell Stan's going to actually lose weight. Come on honey, we're talking about a man who keeps a refrigerator stocked full of various deli meats by the bedside so he won't have to get up for his nightly feedings. I give him two weeks. He's going to crack Grace and when he does he'll feel so guilty there's no telling what that guilt will buy me."  
  
"Well Karen you seem to have it all figured out. I have to ask though, have you given any thought to what you're going to do once the baby is born? I mean babies are a lot of work. Diapers, feedings in the middle of the night, the endless crying, are you prepared for all that?"  
  
"Grace of course I'm prepared. I'll have around the clock nannies. Oh Grace you didn't think I was actually going to care for the baby did you? Come on, I barely manage to care for myself, never mind a baby. No, once I give birth to the little monster my job is done."  
  
"I don't know Kare; you might be in for a surprise once the baby arrives. Besides, don't you think Stan will be a little disappointed if you don't take any interested in the poor kid? You think you're creating a bargaining tool for yourself, but once the baby's born Stan might use the baby to get what he wants from you. You know, like maybe he won't let you purchase anymore third world countries until you take Junior to the circus. Or maybe he'll put a stop to your daily spending spree at Barney's unless you join the PTA. You could be setting yourself up for a world of hurt here Karen, you better think about what you're getting yourself into before you conceive "the little monster" as you so affectionately put it."  
  
"Good lord Grace what if you're right? Ugh, I knew this plan was too simple. Damn and I could be pregnant right now, for god's sake Grace, I'm 4 days late!"  
  
"Well Karen, go buy a test."  
  
"No way, I'm not ready to know now. I can't be pregnant; Stan will have full control over me if I am. What was I thinking?"  
  
"Karen take a test already the suspense is killing me!"  
  
"Hey Grace here's an idea, why don't you go get knocked up yourself and get off my back, why the heck did you and Will change your minds anyway?"  
  
"It's complicated Karen. I guess I wasn't ready to give up on the idea of meeting Mr. Right just yet. We decided if I didn't find someone by my 35th birthday we would try to have a baby again."  
  
"Yeah, well I think you made the right decision, you're too young to give up on your dreams even if there is no chance in hell they'll come true! Ah, dreams are cute, aren't they?"  
  
"Nice Karen, I don't know why I try to have a civil conversation with you."  
  
"Aw honey, I'm just giving you a hard time, what I really mean is, the chances of you finding a hot, rich, Jewish Dr are slim to none. Ok? Is that better?"  
  
"Karen, cut it out. I know this is hard for you to understand, but I do have human emotions and you should be more sensitive to that. God, sometimes you make me crazy you know that?  
  
Grace stormed out of the office and into the Ladies Room.  
  
"Grace, what the hell is the matter with you, come on out of there honey, I was only kidding. Grace! I'm serious, you're starting to scare me, come out already. Grace, if you don't come out of that bathroom I'm never going to be able to take that test!  
  
Grace flew out the door with a bolt.  
  
"I knew you'd crack! Sucka! Go get the test already!" 


	4. 4

"Well, I guess I should call Stan."  
  
"Are you ok Karen? You look a little pale."  
  
"Yeah, I'm ok Grace, I'm just really shocked. I don't think I really expected to get pregnant."  
  
"Karen, I couldn't be happier for you, go home and tell your husband he's going to be a father. Go on, get out of here."  
  
"I'm going to have to tell him over the phone, he's out of town for the next two weeks. Grace maybe I should wait before I say anything, I mean it's so early. I could have a miscarriage it's too early to say anything just yet."  
  
"Karen, you should make an appointment with an obstetrician. See if you can get an appointment right away so you can put your mind at ease. I'll come with you if you want."  
  
I managed to get an appointment that afternoon all my screaming and cursing did the trick.  
  
"Good lord Grace stop biting your nails you're making me nervous."  
  
"Sorry I can help it Karen, all these pregnant women are creeping me out!"  
  
"Yeah well you better get used to it. Honey, are you going to come with me when they call me in? I'm getting a little freaked out myself. What if the Dr. gets a little fresh down there?  
  
"Karen, you said the Dr is a woman."  
  
"Yeah so what's your point Grace?"  
  
"I'll go in with you, but aren't they going to want to do a pelvic exam. I don't think I can handle that Karen, I mean that's a little too personal if you know what I mean."  
  
"Oh grow up already Grace, my god woman how did you manage to become such a prude, you live with a homo for god's sake! All I'm saying is I'm a little nervous and it would be nice to have a friend by my side, but if you're not mature enough to handle that, well far be it for me to make you uncomfortable."  
  
"Ugh alright, I'll go in with you, I think I liked you better when you weren't so needy though. There's something to be said for all that alcohol."  
  
"Oh I know sweetie, nothing numbs the emotions better than a bottle of Absolut first thing in the morning ah those were the days. Well, you better get used to it Grace, there's no telling what all the hormones are going to do to me."  
  
"Karen Walker" the nurse beckoned from the door.  
  
"Alright, Kare, here we go!" Grace grasped my hand and gave it a little squeeze as we entered the exam room.  
  
"Ok Mrs. Walker, I'll need to put this on and the Dr will be in shortly." The nurse handed me a gown and left the room.  
  
"Grace, turn around, I don't need you gawking at me. God this is humiliating."  
  
"Just calm down Karen, you're getting yourself all worked up; everything's going to be ok."  
  
"Yeah, yeah, yeah; easy for you to say." I said as I finished tying the gown strings and climbed onto the exam table.  
  
"Ok Mrs. Walker here is a prescription for the prenatal vitamins. I'm going to want to see you back here in a month. We'll do an ultrasound at that time just to make sure everything is developing and progressing as it should. Your age is a concern so we may want to consider doing an amnio at that time as well."  
  
"So that's it? Just take some vitamins and come back in a month?"  
  
"I'm sending you home with some nutritional guidelines; you're going to want to be sure to eat healthy. You'll probably start to feel a bit tired, that's normal and nothing to worry about. Be sure to call me if you experience any cramping or bleeding, but I don't expect any problems. Like I said, you're age is a bit of a concern, but you're in good health so there's no reason why you shouldn't expect a normal, healthy pregnancy."  
  
"Karen! You're having a baby!" Grace practically screamed as we left the office.  
  
"Can you believe that woman thinks I'm in good health? Good god, where in the hell did she get her license to practice medicine?"  
  
"Karen come on, you must be a little excited, right? I mean you're having a baby. I never thought I'd see it."  
  
"Grace I'm scared to death. Do you have any idea what this could do to me? My god what if I end up loving this kid or something? Ugh, I don't know what I was thinking. Stanley better appreciate this."  
  
"Karen, you don't actually expect me to believe you're having this baby just to get on Stan's good side. Come on I'm not that naïve."  
  
"Grace, I was half in the bag when I decided to get pregnant! Anything seems like a good idea after a bottle of gin. Stan and I have no business having a baby, you know that. We can barely stand each other. The only thing that makes him bearable is the drugs and alcohol. Grace you have no idea what it's like being married to Stan. He's fat and boring and to top it off he doesn't smell so good!"  
  
"Karen, that's just cruel. Stan's a good man and he loves you, I don't know why, but he does. I'm sorry, but I think you're being selfish. Anyway, what's the point in getting upset? You're pregnant so you might as well suck it up and try to be happy."  
  
"You know Karen there are plenty of women out there who would kill to have what you have. You should learn to appreciate it and stop acting like a spoiled child. Just be glad this child you're bringing into the world is going to be blessed with a life of privilege; something any mother would want for their children. The only thing I can see this baby being deprived of is love. You think Stan's love is going to be enough, but it won't. It's time you grow up and take some responsibility here."  
  
"Calm down woman! Grace I can't help the way I feel about Stan. Maybe it was a mistake to bring a baby into this mess, but it's too late to think about that right now. I'm sure I'm going to love the baby. I may not be the doting motherly type, but I am capable of loving another human being. Why else would I spend so much time with a psychopath like you? Look, I know I give Stan a hard time, but he's a good man and he's a really good father to his kids, he'll make up for what I lack. I just hope my shortcomings don't make him hate me." 


	5. 5

The next couple months were filled with morning sickness and extreme exhaustion. Instead of gaining weight, I was losing; I was unable to hold down most solid foods. Despite the difficulties I was having, the baby seemed to be progressing just fine. I had my second ultrasound when I was 14 weeks along and the baby seemed perfectly healthy.  
  
Jack had been keeping me company during my convalescence and Grace had been coming over a couple nights a week after work. Will even came by one afternoon claiming he had been in the neighborhood and figured he'd stop in to see how I was doing. I wasn't great company for any of them, but they didn't seem to mind.  
  
Finally by my 15th week I was feeling a lot better. I was eating well and my energy had returned. Stan wanted me to take it easy for a while, but I couldn't stand to be around him one more day. He had been feeling guilty about me being so sick and he insisted on spending more time at home. As if being sick wasn't bad enough, now I had to spend every miserable moment with him by my side. He wasn't very happy with me when I told him I was going back to work, but he was too afraid to disagree.  
  
"Hiya Grace" I said as I entered the office on my first day back to work. I was so anxious to get out of the house I actually showed up on time.  
  
"Karen! I can't believe I'm going to say this, but it's good to have you back. I've really missed you! It's been pretty scary around here without you. The phones are being answered, faxes have been sent, there hasn't been any inappropriate touching."  
  
"Aw Grace I'm glad to be back. Yeah, you think things have been scary around here, you have no idea what the scary is until you've had Stan and Rosario taking care of you. I'm telling you Grace the two of them are like fat and fatter. It's a wonder I get anything to eat in that house at all. Look at the teeth marks Rosie left on my wrist, I was reaching for my drink and she thought I was going for the last drumstick. God I should get a rabies shot just be on the safe side. I have a baby to worry about now!"  
  
"Well look at you, worrying about the baby, getting all maternal. I'm proud of you Karen."  
  
"Oh give it a rest Grace, this baby needs to be perfect in order for my plan to work."  
  
"Ah yes, the master plan, how could I have forgotten." Grace quipped. "How silly of me to think you might actually care about your unborn child." Grace said with an edge.  
  
"Hey don't get testy with me Grace, we've had this conversation a thousand times and you know what this pregnancy is all about so let's just drop it. God I don't know why I was in such a rush to get back to work. If you're going to spend the next six months judging me and my decision then I may as well walk out that door right now!" I screamed as I turned to face the window so Grace wouldn't see that I had begun to cry. The hormones were causing me to cry at the drop of a hat and I refused to give Grace the pleasure of seeing the effect her words had on me. The truth is I did want this baby, but for whatever reason I couldn't admit it to her.  
  
"Come on Karen, I don't want to fight." Grace said as she placed a hand on my shoulder and turned me around to face her. I bowed my head and refused to look at her as I tried to explain what was going on in my head.  
  
"Grace the truth is that yes I didn't have the best of intentions when I decided to conceive this baby. But I'm not as horrible as you like to think I am. I do love this baby, but you have to understand these feelings don't come easily to me. I was never loved by my parents; I was just a tool my mother used to manipulate her way thru life. So try to understand that I'm more than a little worried that I'm going to end up doing the same thing to this child as she did to me. Why do you think I never had children before now?"  
  
"Sweetie when you and Will decided to have a baby it stirred up all kinds of thoughts and emotions inside me that I had never acknowledged before. I realized I was at a critical point and if I waited any longer I would miss out on the opportunity to have children. Maybe I will be a horrible mother, maybe I'll even hate being a mother, but I want to give it a shot. I didn't want to spend the rest of my life regretting never having children and I certainly didn't want to spend the rest of my life knowing that Stan resented me for that decision."  
  
"I don't have the energy to defend my reasons for having a baby and I don't want to come in here everyday knowing you're judging me. I respect you Grace and I respect your opinion so you have to realize that it hurts knowing you look down on me because of this. Can you try to see things from my point of view and understand that I'm going thru a tough time right now?"  
  
"Ok Karen, first of all you're freaking me out! I had no idea how much emotion you were drowning in that wet bar over there. You'll have to give me some time to get used to the new you because frankly I have no idea who you are! And Karen, I'm sorry if I've been a little judgmental, the truth is I'm a bit jealous. It seemed like you decided to get pregnant on a whim and all of a sudden you're pregnant. Karen I'm really proud of you so please don't think I'm looking down on you. I may seem to be looking down on you but the truth is sometimes I just don't understand where you're coming from. You cover up your real feelings so much that I don't know what to think of you."  
  
"I know Grace, I just feel like such a freak show right now with all these hormones pumping through my veins and nothing to numb the emotions with. I can't promise that I'm going to wear my heart on my sleeve; it's just not who I am. I hope you can understand that and know that even though I may not express it very well, I am capable of being a loving person. And with a little support I may even be capable of being a decent mother."  
  
"Aw Karen", Grace said as she gave me a tight hug, "I think I'm going to like the new you." "Yeah lucky you," I said as pulled away and began to wipe away my tears, "you get a new and improved best friend and I'm stuck with the same old Grace." I said with a smirk.  
  
"Hey Kare, what's going on with this outfit of yours? If those pants were any tighter you'd strangle the baby with the waistband. How's that for a new and improved Grace?"  
  
"Ugh the thought of wearing maternity clothes is too much to deal with right now honey. I just can't do it."  
  
"Come on, well close up early and go do some shopping this afternoon, it'll be fun."  
  
"Well I guess I can say no to leaving work early and spending the afternoon at Barney's now can I."  
  
"That's the attitude Karen. And if you're lucky I may even let you buy me dinner." 


	6. 6

The next few months seemed to fly by and before I knew it I was entering my seventh month of pregnancy. I learned I was carrying a little girl, and though I was initially a little disappointed, I was beginning to get used to the idea of having a daughter. Stanley had wanted another son, and I had hoped to give him one, but nature has its own agenda and a son wasn't in the cards. Stan said he'd still like to try for a son, I told him once he lost 300 lbs I'd be happy to try again. His diet had failed miserably and he was heavier than ever. As much as I gave him a hard time about it in the past, his weight had never annoyed me half as much as it did now. The thought of being near him at all made my skin crawl and I had taken to sleeping in one of the guest rooms since I couldn't bear to sleep in the same bed as him. I was uncomfortable enough as it was, the last thing I needed was to sleep next to that gas machine every night. I had lost all respect for him over the last few months. I had given up a lot for this baby; the only thing I asked of him was that he lose a little weight. It wasn't even so much the weight that was the issue, but the fact that he had done nothing for this baby. I gave up alcohol, drugs and a whole slew of other vices to make him happy and here I was pregnant with a baby he wanted more than me. I guess what worried me most was the fact that I knew Stan and I were on the verge of a divorce and I was scared to death of the though of becoming a single mother. I had to tolerate him as long as I could, if I divorced him now I'd be left with nothing but this baby. No, I absolutely couldn't divorce him. I would not be reduced to waiting anxiously every week for the child support payments, living on a budget, renting a god awful apartment in some horrible neighborhood, shopping at Sears. No, I had to do my best to keep this marriage going, no matter how much it killed me.  
  
The problems Stan and I were experiencing had been causing me a lot of stress and that had caused my blood pressure to become dangerously high. My Dr had put me on some medication for it, but warned me I need to work on relaxing and taking it easy. I could feel my blood pressure begin to rise as I tried to gain control of my anger toward Stan. Damn him for doing this to me, I thought as I tried to slow my breathing down by taking long calming breaths. Grace had brought in a new chair for my desk; something to help make me more comfortable. I leaned back in the chair, closed my eyes and tried to concentrate on my breathing. My mind began to wander as I allowed myself to sink more comfortably into the chair. I began to trace small circles on my stomach with my index finger and I was greeted with a hardy kick. I smiled to myself as I imagined what it must be like for her nestled comfortably inside my belly without a care in the world. I rested the palm of my hand on the lower right side of my enlarged belly and was greeted with several more kicks. I moved my hand across my stomach and pressed down slightly and sure enough she gave me another healthy kick. I couldn't tell if she was enjoying this exchange as much as I or if I was invading her territory and her kicks were a warning to back off. Either way, it was reassuring to feel her respond to my touch. My moment of relaxation was interrupted when Will and Grace entered the office; they were back from their lunch break.  
  
"Is everything ok Kare?" Grace asked with a look of concern.  
  
"Yeah honey, I was just resting my eyes for a minute." I responded with a perky voice in an effort to give the impression all was well. I hadn't told anyone but Jack about the problems between Stan and me.  
  
"Well Karen if you're tired you can go home; there's nothing going on this afternoon."  
  
"Honey I'm fine. I was just daydreaming a bit, that's all."  
  
"Ah, daydreaming about the day you and the demon seed will take over Satan's throne?" Will asked with a look of indifference.  
  
"Hmm, very funny Wilma, but I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't refer to my child as the demon seed."  
  
"Oh I'm sorry, is Lucifer's love child better? Oh wait, how about Damian's daughter?"  
  
"Will, back off already. We talked about this." Grace said as she put a supportive arm around my back.  
  
"We are no longer going to refer to Karen, or Karen's unborn child as anything related to Satan or Satan's cohorts, we're here to support Karen, not mock her."  
  
"Well, that's no fun. I'm going back to work. Oh by the way, did Cruella Deville have any children because you know she's not really one of Satan's cohorts."  
  
"Get out! Go already; I'll see you when you get home tonight."  
  
"So what were you daydreaming about?" Grace asked as she began to organize her desk.  
  
"Just about the baby, she was kicking up a storm a few minutes ago." I said.  
  
"Aw I'm sorry I missed that, can you make her do it again?"  
  
"I don't know Grace, but I can try." I leaned back into the chair and started to trace circles on my stomach again. "For some reason she really responds to this." I said as I tried to get some kind of reaction from her. I placed my other hand on the left side of my stomach and quickly felt a sharp kick. I grasped Grace's hand and placed it where I had felt the kick.  
  
"Press down a little bit and see if that gets her moving." I instructed Grace.  
  
Grace did as I said and the baby responded with a brutal kick to my bladder.  
  
"Oh my God Karen, did you feel that? Well, of course you felt it, but that was amazing."  
  
"Yeah, let's not do that again honey, my bladder can't take another one like that." I said with a small grimace.  
  
"Sorry Kare, It's just so incredible that there a living thing inside there, you know, moving around, stretching its legs, kicking you in the bladder."  
  
"I know, I have to admit it's pretty exciting, but honey I don't know how I'm going to manage another two and a half months of this. I'm getting more and more uncomfortable everyday."  
  
"You'll do fine Karen. The baby will be here before you know it. Have you and Stan decided on a name yet?"  
  
"Well I really couldn't care less what Stanley wants to name her, but he did mention the name Samantha which isn't too bad. I wanted to name her Catherine, but Stan reminded me that's the ex's name so that's a no go."  
  
"I think Samantha's pretty. It classic, smart, quirky, yeah I really like it Karen."  
  
"Well good, I'm glad you like it honey. You can tell your husband if he hadn't been so mean to me earlier I would have considered Wilma for a middle name, but since Wilma's out how do you feel about me using Grace as a middle name?"  
  
"Karen, I don't know what to say, I'd be honored. Samantha Grace Walker, it has a nice ring to it Karen.  
  
"Good, it's settled then. I have to admit I've always been fond of the name Grace. I'm glad you don't mind me using it."  
  
"I'm glad just to get a compliment that's not masked in an insult." Grace said with a look of shock and humor on her face.  
  
"Yeah well you better savor it, you caught me with my guard down, compliments like that are few and far between. Oh Grace I'm going to miss these friendly exchanges once the baby's here and I return to my life of booze and drugs."  
  
"Karen, I have a feeling your days of drugs and booze are over. You may not believe it now, but once that baby is here I doubt you'll have the time or the desire to return to your old habits."  
  
"God I hope your're wrong honey, but I guess we'll have to wait and see." 


	7. 7

"Jack I'm eight months pregnant; I am not going to play strip poker with you." I said as Jack and I entered the penthouse. Stan was out of the country on business and Jack offered to stay with me while he was gone.  
  
"Come on Kare, you promised things wouldn't change between us just because you're having a baby. I should have known better." Jack said with a frown.  
  
"Aw don't pout poodle, I can't play strip poker, but we can still have fun. Come sit with me and tell me what's new with you, we haven't talked in ages and I'm dying to know what's going on with your love life."  
  
"Oh alright, there is a hottie I have my eye on down at the gym. He's an aerobics instructor. I've scheduled myself a few private instructions with him, so I'll let you know how it goes." Jack said with a devilish grin.  
  
"How about you Karen, last time we talked things were pretty rough between you and the big guy, are things getting better."  
  
"Ugh things are worse than ever. I think this business trip of his is just an excuse to get away from me for a little while. You know Jack, he would have done just about anything to get me to agree to have a baby, but it's different than I expected it to be. I thought he'd be doting on me and treating me special, but it seems like now that I'm pregnant he can't be bothered to do anything to make me happy. I feel so used, like all the talk about loving me was just a way to get me to agree to have a baby. I never would have gotten pregnant if Stan hadn't wanted it so badly, but now he doesn't even seem very interested."  
  
"Karen I'm sorry things are so bad right now, I know there's nothing I can do, but I'm here for you. Anytime you need someone to talk to I'll be here to listen."  
  
"Aw Jackie; my sweet Jackie boy," I said as I wiped a tear from my eye, "what would I do without you?"  
  
"Now don't cry Karen, everything's going to be ok." Jack said as he wrapped his arms around me and held me while I began to sob. I didn't want him to see me like this, but Jack is the only person I was comfortable with expressing my emotions to.  
  
"Jack I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do this in front of you." I said as I tried to wipe away at my tears. Jack handed me a tissue and rubbed my back as I tried to regain control of my emotions. "I don't know what it is with me I guess it must be the hormones."  
  
"Karen, I'm just going to say this, I know you may not want to hear it, but I think you need to." I looked at him and nodded for him to continue. "Karen you can't live like this anymore. I think we both know there's more going on here than just an overabundance of hormones. You're miserable Karen and you've been miserable for a long time. The only difference now is that you don't have the drugs and alcohol to take the edge off of your misery. Marriage should be based on love and commitment, Stan manipulated you into having a baby, that's not what love is about. I'm not saying Stan is a bad man, but he is bad for you. You deserve better than this and so does he for that matter. I know you're afraid of what will happen if you file for a divorce, but Karen, I'm afraid of what's going to happen if you don't."  
  
My head was spinning as I tried to take in everything Jack was saying. I knew he was right, but I couldn't divorce Stanley, I didn't have the nerve to do it.  
  
"Karen, have you heard anything I've said?" Jack asked while I tried to think of something; anything to say in response.  
  
"Jack you're right, I know you're right, but there's nothing I can do about it. I can't divorce him now. I'm eight months pregnant Jack, this is no time for me to file for divorce. I just need to get through this pregnancy and then I can think about what I want to do after the baby is here."  
  
"But see Karen, that's just it, you won't do anything about it, you want to wait till the baby is here because you know once you give birth you can go back to drinking and drowning you're feelings again. If you want to kill yourself with this marriage that's up to you, but there's someone else's well being to think about now."  
  
"Jack, you make it sound so easy, but it's not. I can't just pack up my bags and leave. I have no where to go. I have no money of my own, the second I walk out that door Stan will cut me off completely."  
  
"If you knew everything would be ok would you leave him Karen?"  
  
"In a heartbeat Jack," I said in a whisper.  
  
"Then call him. Call him now and tell him how you feel. See if you can work something out. He's not going to leave you poor and destitute Karen, you are carrying his child and he has a responsibility there. But, I also think that deep down inside he does love you and he'll want to make sure you're taken care of."  
  
"You're right Jack, you're right, but I'm afraid."  
  
"Karen, it's ok to be afraid, it's not ok to be miserable, but it's ok to be afraid. Now are you going to call him?"  
  
"Yeah, I'll call him I'll call him right now." I said as I gave him a tight hug. "You're a good friend Jack, no one else would have had the nerve to tell me what I needed to hear. I'm going to use the phone in the library I'll be back in a minute." I gave Jack one more quick hug before I started for the library.  
  
My hands were trembling as I dialed the number to Stan's hotel in Hong Kong. The receptionist connected me to Stan's room and before I was ready to hear his voice he answered.  
  
"Hi Stan", I said shakily. "I hope I didn't catch you at a bad time, I really need to talk to you."  
  
"No" I said in response to his inquiry about the baby, "everything is fine with the baby it's us I wanted to talk about. I hate to do this over the phone Stan, I wish you were home so we could talk in person, but you're not. I'm going to make this quick, I want a divorce."  
  
My statement was met with silence on the other end. "Stan I can't do this anymore." I whispered. "I've never been so unhappy in my entire life. This has nothing to do with the baby it has to do with us. Well, maybe in some ways it does have to do with the baby. I just want to be the best mother I can be and I don't think I can do that if I'm married to you. I love you Stan, but I'm not in love with you anymore. This marriage is toxic for the both of us, with my drinking and your overeating we're going to kill each other. We owe this baby something better than that."  
  
Stan was silent for a long time but finally he admitted I was right and said he'd have the lawyer, meaning Will, draw up divorce papers. He promised me he would see that I and the baby were taken care of and said he wanted me to keep the penthouse.  
  
I sat in silence for a few minutes after hanging up the phone and tried to relax. I could feel that my blood pressure had risen quite a bit and I wanted to slow it down before going out and telling Jack what had happened. Once I felt better I slowly got up and walked into the parlor where Jack was waiting.  
  
"Karen you look flushed, is everything ok?" Jack asked as he grasped my hands and helped me over to the sofa.  
  
"Jack everything is fine, better than fine actually. Stan agreed to the divorce and he said he'd make sure the baby and I were well taken care of. He even said I could keep the penthouse. He said he'd have Will draw up the divorce papers tomorrow."  
  
"Karen that's great. I'm glad Will is going to be handling the divorce, he'll make sure everything is in order."  
  
"Yeah, I'm relieved he'll be handling it too. Thank you Jack, I know I talk tough, but I never would have had the strength to do that with out your encouragement."  
  
"You're welcome Karen. Now I want you to go upstairs and go to bed, you're exhausted."  
  
"Alright Jackie, but I have a silly favor to ask. I know it's ridiculous, but I don't think I'll be able to sleep by myself tonight, would you mind camping out in my room with me? I may have some gay porn you can watch on the big screen." I said with a smirk.  
  
"Sure Kare, as long as you promise not to put the moves on me, I know what the gay porn does to you."  
  
"I promise to keep my hands to myself."  
  
"Alright, it's a deal then. Oh and Karen, your water's not going to break or anything is it? Because you know there's only so much of this pregnancy I can stomach, if you know what I mean."  
  
"I promise Jack, no inappropriate touching and no going into labor."  
  
Jack put his arm around my back and held me close to him as we slowly walked up the stairs to my bedroom. At that moment I had more respect and admiration for him than I had ever felt toward another human being. Jack had just helped me through what had been the most difficult decision of my life and I owed him my life for it. 


	8. 8

Morning came too soon I thought as I tried to shift my weight in an effort to get comfortable. Comfort didn't come easy these days, but I was more uncomfortable than usual this morning. My back was sore and the muscles in my stomach felt as though they were ready to snap. Realizing I wasn't going to be able to fall back to sleep, I made my way to the bathroom thinking a shower would help me feel better. After finishing up my shower I was still in a lot of pain and wondered if I had somehow pulled a muscle in my sleep. Of course after all that crying it was no surprise my muscles felt a bit sore. I wrapped my wet hair in a towel and slowly got dressed. I made my way back to the bedroom and decided to try lying down for a few minutes to see if that would help. Jack woke up as I got back in bed and asked if I was ok.  
  
"My back is really sore, the baby must have kicked me in the spine or something, I'm just going to lay here for a few minutes and see if it gets better."  
  
"Alright, I'm going to go take a shower, hopefully you'll feel better by the time I get out."  
  
I glanced at the clock as Jack made his way to the bathroom. It was 8:00 already, Maybe I should just take the day off I thought, after all I had a pretty exhausting night last night. I called Grace at home hoping to catch her before she left for the office.  
  
"Hi Grace, its Karen, listen would it be a problem if I took the day off?"  
  
"No, it's not a problem. Are you sick Kare?"  
  
"No, not so much sick but my back is really sore, I think I might have pulled something."  
  
"Is Stan still out of town? Why don't I come over before I go to the office to make sure you're ok?"  
  
"That's sweet honey, but Jack is here, I'm sure I'm fine. But if you have some time after work to come by there's something I'd like to talk to you about."  
  
"Sure Karen. I'll try to close up around 4:00."  
  
"Thanks honey, hey can I talk to Wilma for a minute?"  
  
"Sure, here he is. I'll see you this afternoon."  
  
"Karen?"  
  
"Hi Will, listen, Stan is going to be contacting you today to draw up some divorce papers. I don't want you to mention anything to Grace or anyone else for that matter until I have a chance to talk to her myself."  
  
"Karen, what are you talking about? Are you saying Stan is divorcing you?"  
  
"Yeah, well, it was a mutual decision, but yes we're getting divorced and he said he'd call you first thing this morning to get the paperwork going.  
  
"Karen, stay where you are, I want to come over and talk to you about this in person. There's a lot at stake here and I want to make sure you know what you're getting yourself into."  
  
"Will, wait until you talk to Stan before you come over here, I need to know how he's planning on supporting me and the baby. Find out what kind of settlement he's looking to offer me and then come over. Ok?"  
  
"Ok Karen, I'll see you later."  
  
I hung up the phone and slowly got out of bed. My back was feeling a little better so I decided to dry my hair and make my way downstairs for some breakfast.  
  
"Jack," I whispered as we ate breakfast in the dinning room, don't mention anything about the divorce, the last thing I need is the staff spreading rumors."  
  
"Ok, Kare, but what are you going to do when Will gets here?"  
  
"We'll talk in the library; the staff can't hear us in there unless they're listening at the door."  
  
"Well Karen," Jack said as he pushed his breakfast plate toward the center of the table, "I need to get going. My acting class starts in an hour. Call me on the cell if you need anything."  
  
I got up from the table to walked Jack to the door. "I'll be fine poodle," I said as Jack gave me a hug.  
  
I watched him walk down the hallway toward the elevator and before I closed the door I noticed Will stepping out of the elevator. He and Jack talked for a minute and then Will made his way down the hall and toward the penthouse. I stepped outside the door and met him halfway and instructed him not to say anything until we were in the library.  
  
Will slipped his arm around my back and gave me a slight squeeze as we walked back to the penthouse and into the library.  
  
"Alright Karen, first let me tell you that you're going to be ok. I talked to Stan and as you already know he's leaving you the penthouse and he's also going to continue to employ the staff here. In addition to the staff already employed here he wants to hire a fulltime nanny to help you care for the baby. He's made a monetary settlement offer to be paid to you in one lump sum and is also prepared to provide you with a more than reasonable child support settlement to be paid on a monthly basis until the child has reached the age of 18 or has completed her educational pursuits; whichever should come last."  
  
"Will, something's not right here. Last week that man couldn't stand to look at me and now all of a sudden he's ready to throw millions of dollars at me. What's going on here?"  
  
"Well Karen he feels guilty. He said he knew you didn't want this baby and that the pregnancy pushed the marriage over the edge. He said if he hadn't insisted on a baby the two of you would still be happily married. He told me he loves you too much to see you so unhappy and he hates himself for causing you so much unhappiness."  
  
"Oh that's a load of bull. Good lord what is he thinking? First of all, we were never happily married. And secondly, this baby should have brought us closer together. The truth of the matter is that I've been sober for over eight months now and neither one of us can stand each other when I'm sober. To blame the baby for this is wrong. Damn him for blaming the baby and damn him for saying he loves me."  
  
"What a mess I've made. He thinks he can pay me off to ease his guilt, but what the hell about my guilt? Yeah that's right Will I am capable of feeling guilty." The truth is I've been an awful wife and he probably thinks I'm going to make an equally awful mother."  
  
"Karen, try to calm down. Stan's not innocent in any of this. He said the two of you have been having problems ever since you got pregnant and he takes responsibility for that. And Karen, if he didn't think you were going to make a good mother I doubt he'd be so quick to divorce you, if he had any concerns about your parenting skills he would have mentioned it to me."  
  
"I have to get back to the office, I'm going to call Grace and see if she can come over for the rest of the day; you shouldn't be alone."  
  
"Will I'm fine. Grace is working; she's coming over later this afternoon."  
  
"No, you don't look so good Karen I'd feel better if you let me call Grace."  
  
"Whatever Will, I'm going up to my room, I need some rest. I'm sorry for being so short with you, but I need to go lay down for a little while."  
  
"Well, let me sit with you till Grace gets here. Go on, I'll be up after I get off the phone."  
  
"Hmm, did Jack tell you about the gay porn I let him watch on the big screen? Why are you so anxious to get up to my bedroom Wilma?"  
  
"I just want to make sure you're ok, it's been a rough day and it's not even noon yet. Now go on, I'll be up in a minute." 


	9. 9

"Alright Karen, Grace is on her way." Will said, as he entered my room and sat on the bed beside me.  
  
"I didn't tell her what was going on, but she was pretty concerned when I told her I didn't think you should be left alone."  
  
"Will, it's not like I'm actually alone, look around; this house is fully staffed."  
  
"You know what I mean Karen. You need a friend here with you."  
  
"Well thanks for looking out for me Wilma, I appreciate the concern."  
  
"So Karen, when are you going to give birth to that thing?" Will asked while pointing at my stomach. "I mean you've been pregnant forever." Will said with a smirk.  
  
"Ugh I don't know honey but this "thing" as you so kindly put it is making me more uncomfortable than I ever imagined. I don't think I'm going to last another month."  
  
"Eh you'll do fine. You know something else? I think you're going to make a pretty good mom. What with your fashion sense, you're addiction to shopping and all those gold cards; yeah all the other girls are going to wish their mom was just like you."  
  
"Ah if only it were that easy but I can't buy her affection. I mean sure it works with Jack, but this is different."  
  
"Hmm Jack does love your credit cards, but like I said Karen, you'll do fine."  
  
"Why are you being so nice to me all of a sudden Wilma, what are you up to?"  
  
"I'm not up to anything Karen, I promise. I just, well Grace mentioned I could be a little nicer to you and I think she's right. I've been a little insensitive in the past and I just want to make up for it."  
  
"Uh huh, uh huh and why do you want to make up for it? There's something going on here and I want to know what it is."  
  
"Karen, I think you're getting a little paranoid, there's nothing going on. I feel guilty about being so mean to you, especially now that I know what you've been going through over the last few months. I know I've never been especially kind to you in the past, but I don't dislike you."  
  
"Oh yeah, you want something alright. I'll figure out what it is Wilma so you may as well just spill it."  
  
"All I want Karen is for us to be friends. I know we've never really been "friends", but you're a friend of Grace's and you're a friend of Jack's so it would be nice if we could try to get along a little better."  
  
"Ugh alright I give up. I'll take your word for it Wilma Truman, but only because I've already lost interest."  
  
"Fair enough, that settles it; we're friends."  
  
"Friends," Grace asked as she entered the bedroom, since when are you two friends?  
  
"I don't know honey, and I've given up trying to figure it out. It's just easier to agree with him."  
  
"I'm going back to the office. Grace, make sure she gets some rest and Karen call me if you have any questions about what we discussed in the library. I don't want you to sign anything until you've thought everything through so don't hesitate to call."  
  
"Will do Wilma, can you come by tonight so we can go over it more thoroughly?"  
  
"Sure, I'll come by around 7:00."  
  
Will let himself out and Grace made her way over to my bed.  
  
"What's going on Karen? Will sounded pretty concerned about you when he called me."  
  
"Honey I'm sorry he made you leave the office, I really am ok."  
  
"Alright, well you said you wanted to talk to me about something so what's up?"  
  
"Grace, Stan and I are getting a divorce. Things have been pretty bad and I don't want to get into all the messy details right now, but it's for the best."  
  
"Oh Karen, Grace said as she climbed into bed with me, why didn't you tell me things were bad?"  
  
"I don't know Grace, I mean things have never been great with Stan and me but this pregnancy was too much for us to handle. I'm not saying it has anything to do with the baby; we both want the baby, but it's put a real strain on the marriage. I really think this is the best thing for the both of us, and I also think this is the best thing for the baby. I can't be a decent mother if I'm going to spend every day loathing my husband."  
  
"Well Karen, it sounds like you've made the right decision. How does Stan feel about all this?"  
  
"He agrees with me. He's made a more than generous settlement offer, and he's prepared to make sure the baby and I are well taken care of."  
  
"Well I'm sorry things turned out the way they did, but I'm glad the two of you were able to come to a mutual agreement."  
  
"Thanks honey, I really owe a lot to Jack he helped me see what I needed to do."  
  
"Is he going to be staying with you for a while? I really don't think you should be staying here alone in your condition."  
  
"Yeah, he said he'd stay as long as I needed him too, but this whole pregnancy is freaking him out if you know what I mean. Besides I think I'm putting a cramp in his love life."  
  
"Yeah, I can imagine. If you'd like Karen I would be happy to stay with you."  
  
"Aw Sweetie I'd really like that, and I think Jack will be relieved; that poor man is scared to death of me going into labor. Speaking of labor honey, do you think you could handle being my labor coach; I hate to ask, but I can't do this on my own?"  
  
"Sure Kare, but I have no idea what that involves."  
  
"Don't worry honey, I have notes from our Lamaze class; I fill you in on what you need to know."  
  
"Karen this is so exciting, I can't believe I'm actually going to see you give birth! Hey, why don't I go downstairs and have cook bring up some lunch and we can go over all the Lamaze stuff?"  
  
"Ok, I guess I am a little hungry."  
  
"Great, I'm going to call Will while I'm downstairs; I want to ask him to pack some stuff for me and bring it with him when he comes over tonight, do you need anything while I'm on the phone with him?"  
  
"No honey I'm all set."  
  
That wasn't so hard I thought to myself after Grace headed downstairs. It certainly went a lot smother than I had anticipated. I hadn't known what kind of reaction to expect from Grace. She's been a good friend over the last few months; I should have known she'd be supportive.  
  
After Grace and I finished lunch and went over my Lamaze notes I realized I was pretty exhausted; my energy was not what it used to be.  
  
"Karen you look tired, I'm going to go watch some TV I want you to get some rest."  
  
"Alright, I couldn't definitely use a nap. Honey I want you to make yourself at home so feel free to boss around the staff; if you need anything let them know."  
  
"Will do Kare, get some rest." Grace said as she closed the bedroom door. 


	10. 10

"Come on Karen, we're going to be late." Grace yelled to me as I tried to pull myself out of a sitting position.  
  
"Damn it Grace I can't get up!" I screamed in frustration. I was a week past my due date and had no patience left as far as this pregnancy was concerned. Grace smirked and helped me up.  
  
"You know if you would just go into labor you wouldn't have this problem."  
  
"Grace, I'm not in the mood."  
  
"Alright, alright, I'm sorry; I couldn't resist."  
  
We sat in silence on the ride to the Dr's office. I hated being so mean to Grace so I figured it was best to keep my mouth shut.  
  
"I'll check you in, you go sit down." Grace said as we entered the Dr's office.  
  
It wasn't long before we were called into the exam room and I was instructed to disrobe.  
  
"Well Mrs. Walker," the Dr started after she examined me, "it doesn't look like this baby is in any hurry to make an appearance. I'd like to schedule you to be induced; I can bring you into the hospital on Friday."  
  
"Whatever you have to do to get this thing out of me is fine with me." I said with a sigh of relief.  
  
"Alright, I'll see you on Friday. Check into the hospital at 6:00 AM, they'll start you on some medication to induce labor and I'll see you when you're ready to give birth."  
  
"Ugh, thank god!" I said to Grace as we left the Dr's office.  
  
"Karen just think; in two more days the baby will be here!"  
  
"Grace, we have to make sure everything's ready. When we get home we have to go through her room and make sure it's ready for her to come home."  
  
"Karen, everything has been ready for over a month now. We've got a bag packed for the hospital, we've got clothes packed for her to come home in, there are plenty of bottles and diapers, heck all you need is the baby!"  
  
"I guess you're right, it just finally seems so real now."  
  
"Hey we should call Will and Jack and tell them the news Karen."  
  
"Better than that, lets invite them over for dinner." When we got back to the penthouse Grace called Will and Jack and invited them over for dinner. While Grace was on the phone I plopped myself down on the sofa and tried unsuccessfully to get comfortable. It was hard to believe I wouldn't be pregnant anymore. As uncomfortable as I was, I knew I was going to miss being pregnant.  
  
"You ok Kare?" Grace asked as she hung up the phone. "You look like you're a million miles away."  
  
"Mm I'm fine honey, I was just thinking how much I'm going to miss being pregnant. I know I've done nothing but complain, but I've really enjoyed this pregnancy. It's going to be pretty strange once she's here on the outside."  
  
"Karen, are you going to call Stan to let him know you're being induced?"  
  
"Well I've been thinking about that ever since we left the Dr's office, I suppose I should."  
  
"Here," Grace said as she handed me the phone, I'll be outside when you're done."  
  
"Thanks honey," I said taking the phone from her.  
  
I dialed Stan's office and learned from his secretary that he was out of the country. She gave me the numbers to both his office in Hong Kong and to the hotel he was staying at. That fat bastard I thought to myself, he knew I could go into labor at any moment and he didn't even have the decency to let me know he'd be out of the country. Why should I have to track him down? If he was interested in what was going on he would have made sure I was able to get a hold of him. I wasn't able to reach him at either number and decided not to leave a message; I wasn't in the mood to talk to him anyway.  
  
I made my way into the parlor and found Grace sitting on the couch drinking a cup of tea.  
  
"Hey, how'd it go Kare?"  
  
"Well it didn't. He's out of the country Grace. Yeah, he's in Hong Kong. You think he could have let me know in case something happened. Ugh, I don't know why I continue to let that man upset me." I said while sitting down next to Grace. "God I don't know who he is anymore. He was so excited about this baby, I was the one who was indifferent, but he was so excited. The tables have really turned."  
  
"Karen I know it's easier said than done, but you can't let it upset you too much. He's an ass, I know you don't want to hear that but it's the truth. I agree the tables have turned, but I think they've turned for the better. I never would have imagined you looking forward to motherhood, but here you are ready to give birth to a baby you love more than I can imagine. You're going to make a great mom and if Stan can't bring himself to be a good dad, well, you'll make up for it, I know you will."  
  
"You're right Grace. Look honey, I can't stand another crying jag, lets change the subject."  
  
"Hmm ok, well we could talk about Will's new boyfriend." Grace said with a devilish grin. "He's a very successful surgeon, he's very sweet, he's very cute and he's very Jewish, but most of all he's very bald!"  
  
"Oh honey no! Ha, poor Wilma, oh well, he always wanted to settle down with a nice Jewish Dr."  
  
"Mm, no Karen that's me, I'm the one that wants to marry the Jewish Dr. Will has his eyes on a more rugged type. You know like a carpenter; someone who sweats while he works."  
  
"Aw that's sweat honey. You know while we're on the subject of boyfriends, I haven't seen you dating anyone lately. Am I getting in the way of things?"  
  
"No Karen, I mean I haven't been going out as much as I used to, but I like hanging out with you. Dating is too tedious; I guess I'm in a slump or something." Hey Kare now that you're single we can swap dating horror stories!"  
  
"Yeah, I don't see much dating in my future." I said as I pointed to my stomach.  
  
"Well you'll have to date at some point, I know you Karen; you love men!"  
  
"Yeah we'll see honey." 


	11. 11

"Feel anything yet?" Grace asked while flipping through a magazine in my hospital room.  
  
"I don't know honey, I feel a little crampy, but nothing awful. If this is labor I have nothing to worry about."  
  
"Mm, don't get your hopes up Karen, I think it probably starts out not too bad, but it always ends in horrific gut wrenching screams of agony."  
  
"Well, thanks for making me feel better honey, good lord what is wrong with you Grace!"  
  
"Hey Kare," Jack screeched from the doorway of my hospital room, "how ya feeling?"  
  
"Hi poodle, I'm not feeling too bad yet."  
  
"Well Kare, I'd love to stay and watch give birth but, well to be honest this is a little too creepy for me if you know what I mean. I think I'll go wait in the waiting room. Call me when it's over."  
  
"Hey, hey, hey, slow down Sally! Get back in here and sit your sissy ass down, you're going nowhere."  
  
"Karen, I'm not going to stay here and watch you give birth. That kind of thing might turn Grace on, but it's not my cup of tea! Besides I don't see you making Will stay."  
  
"Jack, Will isn't even here, he's at some convention. He won't be home till later this evening" Grace said while rising from her seat. "Look, I need to go get something to drink, Jack you stay here until I get back."  
  
"You know Jack you could try to be a little more sensitive, I'm feeling very nervous and vulnerable right now and all you can think about is hightailing it out of here. That hurts Jackie; that really hurts."  
  
"Aw Karen, come here, I'm sorry." Jack said as he sat on my bed and gave me a hug. I'm here for you no matter what."  
  
"Thanks poodle", I said while holding his hands, "you know honey if it's too much for you, you can leave, but it would mean a lot to me if you'd stick around."  
  
"Karen I promise I won't leave your side."  
  
Just then I felt a sharp pain tear through my lower abdomen. "Jack," I said while clenching his hands, "something's happening!"  
  
"Ok, ok calm down, let go of my hands and I'll go get someone."  
  
"Damn it Jack sit you're ass down, I told you you're staying here!"  
  
"I'm just going to go get a nurse I promise I'll be right back." 


	12. 12

"Well Karen you're progressing well. You're seven cm's dilated another three cm's and we'll be ready to push. The nurse said after examining me.  
  
"I need more drugs, just a little more please!" I pleaded with the nurse.  
  
"You're doing fine, we've given you as much as we can, but you're doing great. I'll be back to check you in a half hour."  
  
"Grace I'm begging you, please get them to give me more drugs. I promise I won't try to break your hand during the next contraction if you can convince them to give me a little more."  
  
"Karen, you're doing great. If you'd try the breathing techniques we practiced I think you'd be more comfortable."  
  
"Screw breathing Grace, I want drugs. You know what? Forget it, I don't need drugs, I don't need your breathing techniques and I don't need you. If you're not going to help me you can leave!"  
  
"Now calm down Karen, Grace is just trying to help. I know you're in a lot of pain, but I think Grace is right; you need to concentrate on your breathing."  
  
"Oh nice Jackie now you're on her side. Well I guess you can leave too, I don't need either of you. Get out!"  
  
"Ok Karen you're upset, please try to calm down. You asked me to be your labor coach so let me help you."  
  
"Oh god this hurts! Grace it hurts so bad, please do something. You have no idea how bad this is."  
  
"Alright Karen take a deep breath through your nose and slowly exhale."  
  
I did as Grace instructed but it wasn't helping; my pain was only getting worse and the contractions were coming one after the other.  
  
"Grace something is wrong, I don't think it's supposed to be like this. Please go get someone.'  
  
"Jack go get a nurse!" Grace screamed.  
  
"Alright Karen, I'm right here, you're going to be fine."  
  
"Grace this baby is coming now, I need to push! I know you think I'm overreacting but I'm telling you something isn't right."  
  
"Karen I believe you, Jack's getting the nurse, it's going to be ok."  
  
The nurse examined me and agreed that I was indeed ready to give birth.  
  
"Once the Dr gets here we're going to have you begin pushing Karen, in the meantime I want you to concentrate on your breathing exercises."  
  
Grace guided me through more breathing exercises, but my pain was intolerable and I wasn't able to concentrate.  
  
"Ok Karen, we're ready to push." The Dr said after doing a quick examination.  
  
"On the next contraction I want you to bare down and count to ten. Once we get to ten you can take a quick break and we'll start again with the next contraction. Ok Karen, here comes a contraction, push!"  
  
Grace held my hand and counted to ten as I pushed as hard as I could. I felt as if my insides were being ripped apart.  
  
"And relax. That was great Karen, you're doing just fine."  
  
Jack wiped my forehead with a wet cloth while I tried to regain my breathing.  
  
"Karen you're doing great, I'm so proud of you!" Grace said as she gave me a quick kiss on the forehead.  
  
"Alright Karen, here comes another contraction, push!"  
  
This one was even more painful than the last.  
  
"Karen I want you to keep pushing, we're not going to stop at ten this time."  
  
"Oh god I can't, I can't!"  
  
"Karen it's very important you don't stop pushing we're almost there now push harder."  
  
"Good Karen, the head's out! Now hold it. Don't push, just hold it."  
  
"Grace what's going on? Why can't I push?"  
  
"It's ok Kare, you're doing great."  
  
"Ok Karen I want you to give us a really good push this time, we need to get the shoulders out and then the hard part is over. Come on Karen, push!"  
  
"Oh god it hurts!" I screamed as I pushed as hard as I could. "Grace do something it hurts too much!"  
  
"Keep pushing as hard as you can Karen, we're almost there."  
  
"Karen I'm so proud of you sweetie you're doing great, you can do this, Grace encouraged."  
  
"And we have shoulders!"  
  
"Alright Karen one more push is going to do it, Push!"  
  
I pushed as hard as I could and suddenly felt and enormous sense of relief.  
  
"We have a girl!" The Dr announced.  
  
They got her breathing and quickly placed her in my arms.  
  
"Just for a minute and then we need to get her cleaned up and weighed., the nurse instructed."  
  
"Oh my god Karen look at her, Grace squealed."  
  
"Karen she's beautiful", Jack said with tears in her eyes.  
  
Before I could even look her over they took her from me to be cleaned and weighed. After what seemed like forever the nurse wrapped her up snuggly in a blanket and finally brought her back over to me.  
  
"Congratulations Karen, you have a very healthy 7.8lbs baby girl. The nurse announced as she handed her to me."  
  
As soon as the nurse left the room I began to unwrap her from the blanket.  
  
"Karen what are you doing?" Grace asked with a look of concern on her face.  
  
"Relax honey, I just want to make sure she has all her fingers and toes."  
  
Grace smiled and helped me unwrap her.  
  
"Karen do you want us to leave you alone for a little while? Jack and I can step outside if you want to be alone with her?"  
  
"No sweetie, I want you two here with me."  
  
"She's so tiny, I'm afraid I'll break her," I said as I gently tried to remove the blanket she was nestled in.  
  
"Can I take this hat off her head Karen? I want to see how much hair she has."  
  
"Take it off honey, I want to examine every inch of her.  
  
"Wow Kare she looks a lot like you, she had you're dark hair and eyes, even her facial features resemble yours," Jack said after taking a close look at her.  
  
"How are you feeling Karen?  
  
"Better Jackie, a lot better now that she's out!"  
  
"Can I get you anything?"  
  
"Aw aren't you sweet, I'd love some water honey."  
  
"Jack handed me a cup of water and pulled up a chair next to my bed."  
  
"The baby began to cry, most likely because we had pretty much stripped her naked to examine her."  
  
"Poor thing's probably cold." I tried to wrap her back up in her blanket but came nowhere near getting her as snuggly wrapped as the nurse had managed.  
  
Grace slipped her hat back on and she seemed content for the time being.  
  
"Karen you must be exhausted, why don't you take a nap."  
  
"I am pretty tired Grace."  
  
"Here, I'll put her in her basinet and you get some rest. Go on, I'll stay right here and keep an eye on her."  
  
"Well I guess I should call Will and tell him the news." Jack said as he got up from his seat."  
  
Grace placed the baby in the basinet and I laid back in my bed and slowly drifted off to sleep. 


	13. 13

"Karen wake up. Come on Karen, wake up." Grace urged while shaking my shoulder.  
  
"What is it Grace?"  
  
"Karen the baby's crying, maybe she's hungry or something."  
  
"Well I don't know how to feed her Grace. Can you bring her over to me and get a nurse?"  
  
Grace handed her to me and ran out to get a nurse. I tried to calm her down, but I had no clue what I was doing. She was certainly pretty angry about something. She scrunched up her face and she was beat red from all the crying.  
  
The nurse brought in some bottles and formula and instructed me how to feed her. She also showed me where I could find diapers and more formula. Before long both the baby and I had the hang of it.  
  
Grace had settled into a chair in the corner of the room and Jack had gone down to the lobby to meet Will who was now on his way.  
  
"Grace, you haven't left my side since this morning, you must be starving. Why don't go get something to eat?"  
  
"Well Karen while you were asleep they brought up a tray for you and well I kind of ate it. Sorry Kare, I was really hungry!"  
  
"It's ok honey I'm glad you had something to eat."  
  
I had just begun to burp the baby when Will popped his head in the doorway.  
  
"Hey there, can I come in?"  
  
"Sure can Wilma, pull up a chair."  
  
"You know Karen, I don't think you're supposed to start beating them this young," Will teased as he took off his coat and pulled up a chair.  
  
"Naw you've gotta start young honey, otherwise they'll never learn!"  
  
The baby let out a burp just as Will had leaned in for a closer look.  
  
"Ha I think she likes you honey."  
  
"Karen she is just gorgeous. I always thought they came out all squished up, but she's really quite pretty."  
  
"Would you like to hold her Wilma?"  
  
"No, no I can't hold her, I mean I'd like to hold her but what if I drop her?"  
  
"Don't be silly, you're not going to drop her, Grace and I haven't managed to break her yet, you'll be fine."  
  
Will sat back in his chair and I gently placed her in his arms. She was wide awake and seemed quite interested in his face.  
  
"Wow, it's kind of weird how she's looking at me, I didn't think they even opened their eyes this soon."  
  
Jack sat on the edge of my bed and asked me if I had settled on a name yet.  
  
"Mm, I've had a name picked out for a while now I forgot I hadn't told the two of you."  
  
"You mean you told Grace?" Jack asked with a look of shock and hurt on his face.  
  
"Oh, don't be upset poodle. I told Grace a long time ago, but so much had changed after I told her and I wasn't sure if I was going to stick with that name or not; it was a name Stan had picked out."  
  
"Well what is it Karen?" Jack asked while taking my hand in his. That small gesture meant a lot and I gave his hand a quick squeeze in return.  
  
"Samantha, Samantha Grace Walker. What do you guys think?  
  
"Well I think it's nice Karen, but I don't see why Grace gets to have her name in there and not me."  
  
"Well honey, Jack is a boys name" I said with a small smirk.  
  
"Well I think it's very pretty Karen, although I am a bit hurt myself; there's no reason you couldn't have used the name Wilma."  
  
Just then the baby spit up all over her blanket and Will's tie.  
  
"Ok, so she doesn't like the name Wilma," Will exclaimed as he quickly handed the baby back to me.  
  
I couldn't help but laugh as Will tried to wipe his tie clean, he finally gave up and just took it off.  
  
I unwrapped her from her soiled blanket and Grace handed me a wet cloth and a new blanket.  
  
"Thanks honey," I said as I took the blanket from Grace.  
  
"Hey Grace, while I've got her naked do you think I should change her diaper?"  
  
"I don't know Karen, why don't you take a peek and see if it needs to be changed."  
  
I laid her tiny body down on the bed in front of me and peeled back the tapes that were holding her diaper together.  
  
"It's wet, Grace could you hand me a new one?"  
  
"Sure, but do you know what you're doing?" Grace asked as she rummaged around looking for a diaper and some wipes.  
  
"Well it can't be that hard Grace."  
  
I removed the old diaper and gently wiped her clean. I lifted the baby up and Grace laid the new diaper out on the bed.  
  
"Oh my god Karen, look at her little butt, it's so cute." Grace said after I lifted her naked body up from the bed.  
  
I turned her around to take a look and had to chuckle, it really was pretty cute. Would you look at that I said as I turned her so her butt was facing Will and Jack.  
  
"Karen you're going to embarrass her," Jack said while turning away."  
  
Grace and I managed to get her diapered and wrapped in a new blanket.  
  
"So Karen, how are you feeling? Was it as awful as they make it look on TV," Will asked?  
  
"It was pretty horrible honey, but I feel great now. Poor Grace though," I said as I patted her hand, "I think she's scarred for life. I should have realized it wasn't a good idea for you to be in there with me honey, now you'll never want to get pregnant."  
  
"I'll be okay Karen. To tell you the truth I think it's made me want to have a baby now more than ever. I mean of course the labor part wasn't all that enjoyable, but the whole experience has been pretty incredible Karen. I'm glad you let me be a part of it."  
  
"Aw that's sweet honey. And honey if you should ever get knocked up and abandoned by the baby's father I'll be here for you too."  
  
"Speaking of the baby's father Karen, have you talked to Stan," Will asked apprehensively?  
  
"No honey, I tried calling him a couple days ago to let him know I was being induced today, but he's out of the country."  
  
"Karen you're kidding right, you mean to tell me he left the country knowing you were ready to go into labor any minute?"  
  
Grace put her arm around me and motioned for Will to drop it.  
  
"It's ok Grace. He's the one who's missing out, not me. He should know that the baby has been born, but I have no interest in hunting him down to let him know."  
  
"Karen why don't you let me handle that for you, you enjoy your new baby I can get a hold of Stan and give him the news."  
  
"I'd really appreciate that Will, thank you."  
  
"We should go, it's been a long day and you and the baby need some rest."  
  
"I'll call you in the morning," Grace said as she, Will and Jack left the room.  
  
"The baby had fallen asleep and I gently placed her back in her basinet. I pulled it closer to the bed so that she was right beside me. I leaned back into bed and watched her sleep. I let my mind wander back to when I first found out I was pregnant. I had been so afraid throughout most of my pregnancy and now she was here and I can't remember what exactly I had been so afraid of. This pregnancy may have cost me my marriage, but this baby has helped put my life back on track and for that I will always be grateful. Who knew a baby was all I needed to make me happy? I used the drinking and pills to help me forget about how miserable I was, but now I didn't need them because for once in my life I was truly happy. 


	14. 14

"Hi Karen", Will said on the other end of the phone, "I'm going to be in your neighborhood this morning on business, I was wondering if I could come by with some lunch after my meeting."  
  
"Aw honey that would be great I'm getting pretty stir crazy stuck at home here all by myself."  
  
"Alright I'll see you at noon."  
  
I hung up the phone and headed upstairs with the baby. It was already 10:00 and I hadn't even taken a shower yet. It had only been a week and a half since we came home from the hospital but I had already managed to become quite a couch potato. I had no one to impress except Grace who was thankfully still staying with me so I had taken to waiting till the end of the day before getting showered and dressed.  
  
After I was showered and dressed I got Samantha cleaned up and dressed in a pink one piece romper.  
  
"Well don't we look pretty today!" Will called out from the doorway of the nursery.  
  
"Wilma you scared the crap out of me, god honey you can't sneak up on people like that!"  
  
"Sorry Karen, I didn't mean to startle you; Rosario told me I'd find the two of you up here."  
  
"You look nice too Karen," Will said as he gave me a quick hug.  
  
"Here you go honey," I said as I handed Samantha off to Will. I know you're not really here to see me."  
  
"Now that's not true Karen, but thanks for letting me hold her."  
  
We headed down to the dinning room and after putting the baby in her basinet I settled down and began eating the turkey sandwich and chicken noodle soup Will had brought.  
  
"You know Karen, you look great. I figured I'd find you still in your bathrobe with your hair all over the place."  
  
"Hmm, well if you hadn't called first that's exactly how you would have found me."  
  
"I was hoping we could talk about something Karen if you don't mind."  
  
"What is it Will?"  
  
"Well you haven't asked me if I got in touch with Stan; don't you want to know?  
  
"What did he have to say, is he back in NY?  
  
"He's came back the weekend you had the baby. He said wants to come by and see her."  
  
"So what, did he forget where we live? Will I've been home for a week and a half now, what is he waiting for?"  
  
Well, it's complicated Karen. I went by to see him that Sunday after you had the baby. He was a mess. He was drunk and well I don't know how to explain it Karen, but I didn't think it was a good idea for him to come see you. I told him to call me when he sobered up; so he called me this morning out of the blue. I went to see him at the office and he looked a lot better."  
  
"And now he wants to see the baby huh? Do you think I should let him come by?"  
  
"Karen I can't answer that for you. If you want I can take Grace out some night this week and you can invite him over for a couple hours."  
  
"Alright, see if he can come by tomorrow night. He needs to be here by 5:00 PM; I don't want him coming over here drunk and belligerent."  
  
After lunch Will and I took Samantha into the parlor for a little visit. Will fed Samantha her bottle and I took advantage of the chance to relax and let someone else do the work.  
  
"Why haven't you hired a Nanny yet Karen? You know Stan agreed to pay for one."  
  
"We're doing ok on our own. Besides I'm already bored to tears as it is; if I didn't have these tedious chores to do I'd probably hang myself."  
  
"Well I think you're right, you two are doing just fine on your own. You know, I can remember a time when you thought you were going to be the world's worst mother. You've come a long way Karen.  
  
Will finished feeding Samantha and then headed back to the office.  
  
"I'll call Stan when I get back to the office and tell him he can visit from 5:00-7:00, no exceptions."  
  
"Thanks," I said as I gave him a tight hug goodbye.  
  
I spent the next afternoon anxiously preparing for Stan's visit. Samantha had spit up on herself twice and I was running out of clean clothes to put her in. By 5:00 we were both free of spit up and ready for Stan.  
  
By the time 6:30 had rolled around I realized he was a no show. He didn't even have the decency to call and let me know he couldn't make it that fat fucking bastard.  
  
I had just put Samantha in her crib when Grace called at 7:00 to see how the visit had gone; I told her he was a no show.  
  
"Aw Karen, don't be upset; he's an ass."  
  
Just then the doorbell rang. I watched doorman answer the door; it was Stan and he was quite obviously drunk.  
  
"Grace he just showed up and he'd drunk. Can you guys come home? I don't want to have to deal with him alone."  
  
"We'll leave right now sweetie, it might take us a half hour or so to get there, but were on our way."  
  
"Karen get down here!" Stan shouted from the bottom of the stairs.  
  
"Damn him, he's going to wake the baby; I have to go Grace."  
  
I hung up the phone and headed downstairs to shut him up.  
  
"Damn it Stan, you're going to wake the baby. What the hell are you doing here? I said 5:00."  
  
"Glad to see you're in a good mood Karen," Stan said with a laugh.  
  
"Stan go home you're drunk!"  
  
"I'm not going anywhere until I see the baby."  
  
"You're insane if you think I'm going you let you see her while you're in this condition."  
  
"I promise I won't wake her, just let me look at her Karen. Try and have a heart for once in your life.  
  
I realized the only way to get him to leave was to let him see her. I led him up to the nursery and allowed him to take a peak in the crib.  
  
"You know Karen you shouldn't be such a bitch," Stan said after he was done looking at her.  
  
"Keep your voice down!"  
  
I began to leave the nursery when I felt Stan grab my arm and pull me back into the room. He pulled me toward him so I was facing him with my chest pressed against his.  
  
"I've missed you Karen," Stan said as he ran a hand through my hair while holding me close to him with his other hand. He cupped the back of my head with his palm and pressed his lips against mine. I struggled to get away from him, but before I knew it he had me pinned on the nursery floor.  
  
"What the hell do you think you're doing Stan? Get off me!"  
  
He continued to kiss me and he ran his hands over my entire body.  
  
"You've gained a lot of weight Karen."  
  
Who the hell was he to mention weight? He held my chest down with his left hand while his fumbled with the button to my pants with his right hand.  
  
"Stan cut it out, get the hell off me."  
  
"Shut up Karen, just shut the hell up!"  
  
I knew none of the servants were in the area but I screamed in the hopes that maybe someone would hear me. I startled the baby and she began to cry uncontrollably. By this time Stan had remove my pants and was trying to remove my underpants while holding the other hand over my mouth. I managed to get my mouth free and pleaded with him to stop.  
  
"Stan please let me go. I just gave birth for god's sake; I'm not ready to do this."  
  
"Shut up," Stan said and gave me a hard slap to the face. He got up off the floor and kicked me in the ribs.  
  
I tried to get up but was in too much pain to even sit. Stan was taking his pants off and I knew there was no way I could get myself and the baby out of there in my condition. I tried rolling my body so that I was on all fours and attempted again to get up, Stan delivered another swift kick, this time to my face and the force of the blow knocked me down on my back. Before I realized what had happened Stan was on top of me. He pried my legs apart and slid inside me. I was still quite sore from giving birth; my body was nowhere near ready for what Stan was forcing me to do.  
  
"God Karen what the hell did that baby do to you," Stan asked as he began to brutally thrust into me; you couldn't get an elephant off you're so loose."  
  
This can't be happening I though as Stan continued to viciously rape me. Each thrust caused excruciating pain, I was too raw for this kind of violent penetration. Where the hell was Grace, she should be here by now. The baby was screaming at the top of her lungs; why hadn't anyone come up to see what was wrong with her? I struggled to free myself, but Stan was four times my size, I didn't have a prayer of getting away from him.  
  
I could tell he was close to climaxing and I closed my eyes and surrendered to his attack. I didn't have the strength to fight anymore.  
  
He quickly got up and got dressed when he was done. I struggled to grab a blanket or anything to cover myself up with; I couldn't stand to have his eyes on my body. I managed to pull myself up to a sitting position and pulled a quilt off Samantha's crib. I wrapped it around myself and began to sob. Stan kicked me again and knocked me back down on the floor. He spit on me on his way out of the room. Samantha was still crying but I couldn't get to her. I tried as hard as I could but I couldn't get up.  
  
I laid on the floor beside Samantha's crib and sobbed. I couldn't help myself and I certainly couldn't help my daughter. What if he came back? What if he hadn't left the house yet? Fear coursed through me as I began to realize I needed to get us out of this room.  
  
"Karen?" Grace called from the stairway. "Is everything ok?"  
  
"Grace I'm up here"! I screamed. Thank god she was finally home.  
  
"What's going on Karen?" Grace asked from the hallway. She stopped dead in her tracks when she entered the room.  
  
"Oh my god Karen, what the hell did he do to you? Will call the police and get up here!" Grace shouted.  
  
"Grace, get the baby and see if you can calm her down, I'll be ok." I knew I was far from ok, but I couldn't stand to hear her cry like that for another second.  
  
Grace went to the crib and tried to calm her down. Will came into the nursery; he was still on the phone with the police. He took one look at me and advised them they would also need to send an ambulance.  
  
"Karen did Stan do this to you?" Will asked as he came over to my crumpled body. I nodded and he relayed the information to the police department.  
  
"They're on their way." Will said as he hung up the phone.  
  
"Will take the baby and go downstairs. Grace said as she handed Samantha to him and made her way back over to me.  
  
"Grace, I'm not going anywhere until the police are here."  
  
"Will get the hell out of here now," Grace said as she took another blanket from the crib and covered my trembling body.  
  
"Oh my god he raped her. That sick fucking bastard raped her," Will said in disbelief. I began to sob uncontrollably as the realization of what had happened finally set in.  
  
"Damn it Will you're not helping, get out and go wait for the police."  
  
Will finally left the room with Samantha.  
  
"It's ok Karen." Grace said as she sat down next to me and ran a hand over my forehead.  
  
"You're going to be just fine sweetie, I promise." 


	15. 15

Grace rode with me to the hospital and stayed with me while the Dr's performed an excruciating examination. She left my side only when the police questioned me, but returned as soon as she was allowed back in. Fortunately the attack was caught on the security camera I had installed in the nursery, the entire rape was on videotape and there was no way Stan would get away. The police found him at his place passed out on the couch. He was arrested without incident.  
  
Will called Jack and told him what had happened. He had him go to the penthouse and pack some clothes for me and Samantha; we'd be staying with Will and Grace for the time being. He brought our stuff to the apartment and waited for us to return from the hospital.  
  
The x-rays revealed I had two broken ribs; it could have been a lot worse and I was lucky I didn't suffer any internal bleeding given the force in which he kicked me. My face was severely bruised and I had a cut on my right cheek that required seven stitches. The pelvic exam showed numerous contusions and I was given instructions to watch for signs of infection.  
  
It was nearly 2:00 AM by the time I was released from the emergency room. Will had driver bring the car around and we sat in silence during the ride to their apartment. Grace held me close to her and Will kept a watchful eye on the baby who sat securely in her car seat.  
  
I clung to Grace as we entered the apartment, she sensed I didn't want Jack to see me like this and she motioned for him to back off. Jack had laid out my bags on Grace's bed and she pulled out a pair of pajamas for me.  
  
"I need a shower; I have to get out of these clothes Grace." My voice was raw from crying and I was shocked by the sound of it as I spoke.  
  
"Ok Karen, but you have to let me help you. You've got broken ribs and you're exhausted; I don't want you to fall and hurt yourself even worse."  
  
"Grace I can smell him on me, God get me out of these clothes!" I said as I began to sob."  
  
Grace helped me get undressed and into the shower. She had to wash my hair for me because I couldn't reach my arms over my head without causing a horrific amount of pain. She dried me off when I was done and helped me get dressed.  
  
"Karen I think you should get some sleep but do you want to see the baby before you get in bed," Grace asked while she finished towel drying my hair? "I can have Will bring her in for a minute if you'd like."  
  
"No, can you just make sure Will knows to give her a bottle soon? She's going to be hungry in another hour or so."  
  
"Sure, I'll go check on them and I'll be right back."  
  
Grace came back with a glass of water and two pills.  
  
"Samantha's fine. Will said he'll make sure she gets a bottle. Take these," Grace said as she handed me the pills and the glass of water, "They'll help with the pain."  
  
I took the pills and climbed into bed without saying a word. I was exhausted and wanted nothing more than to close my eyes and try to escape what had happened. Grace turned the light off and quietly slipped out of the room. 


	16. 16

Grace woke me up at noontime; I had slept straight through the morning without waking once. I was exhausted not only physically, but mentally as well. I argued that I needed my rest but Grace insisted I needed some nourishment. I never had a chance to eat dinner the night before; I had planned on eating after Stan's visit, but that never happened.  
  
"Come on Karen, just have some soup and you can go back to bed." Grace said as she made herself comfortable in the chair beside my bed.  
  
"Besides you haven't seen the baby yet today and I think it would do you both some good if you spent a little time with her."  
  
As I tried to sit up in bed I realized I was in a lot of pain. My ribs felt as though they were on fire and my face stung from the stitches.  
  
I told Grace to give me a minute to get washed up and I made my way into the bathroom. I glanced into the mirror and was shocked by my reflection. The entire right side of my face was bruised and swollen from where Stan had kicked me and my right eye was practically swollen shut.  
  
I took a washcloth from the linen closet and tried to wash my face as best I could without getting the stitches wet. There was no way I could let anyone see me like this I thought as I brushed my teeth. I was ashamed and embarrassed by what had happened the night before. Stan had never been violent, if anything he had always been the complete opposite. He had never even raised his voice to me, never mind do something like this. I suppose the divorce had pushed him to drinking and that drinking had let him to violence. If I had any idea he was capable of this he would have never been allowed in the house. I was lucky I was the only one he took his anger out on, he could have just as easily hurt the baby and there would have been nothing I could have done to stop him.  
  
When I was done freshening up I found Grace in the bedroom picking out some clothes for me to put on.  
  
"Grace I don't want to get dressed, I just want to go back to bed."  
  
"Karen just put this on." Grace said as she held up a gray sweater and a pair of black cotton pants. "You'll feel better once you get dressed." I'm going to go out and get lunch started, come out when you're done and you can feed the baby; Will's just getting a bottle started."  
  
I got dressed which wasn't an easy thing to do considering the amount of pain I was in. I went back into the bathroom and tried my best to cover up the bruises with makeup, but it was no use. My hair was a mess and after several attempts to tame it I finally pulled it back in a loose ponytail. I took one last look in the mirror and headed out to the living room.  
  
Will was on the couch with Samantha and Grace and Jack were making lunch.  
  
"Hey Kare," Jack called out when he saw me enter the room. "Sit down and I'll bring you something to drink."  
  
I made my way over to the couch where Will was seated and sat on the opposite end; as far away from him and the baby as possible.  
  
"Here Karen, take Samantha and I'll get you a bottle." He handed the baby to me and Grace handed him a bottle and a rag to give to me.  
  
"Thanks for taking care of her last night Will," I said as I tested the bottle on my wrist and began to feed her.  
  
Jack brought over a glass of water and I took a quick sip and continued feeding the baby.  
  
"Karen how does soup and grilled cheese sandwiches sound?" Grace asked from the kitchen.  
  
"That sounds fine honey" I replied without looking up.  
  
"Will why don't you take the baby so Karen can start on some soup?"  
  
I handed her back to Will and went to the table where Grace had placed a bowl of tomato soup.  
  
"I'll have a sandwich ready in a minute, but go ahead and get started on the soup."  
  
I sat in silence and tried to eat as much as I could but after only three spoonfuls I knew I couldn't eat anymore. Grace pulled up a chair next to me and handed me a grilled cheese sandwich. I took a small bite and instantly felt sick to my stomach. I ran to the bathroom and barely made it there in time to expel what little amount of food I had managed to consume.  
  
Grace brought me a cool wash cloth and held it on my forehead as I leaned my body against the wall beside the toilet.  
  
"Please don't make me eat anymore Grace, it hurts too much to throw up."  
  
"Why don't you go lay on the couch and we'll try some crackers?"  
  
"I can't go back out there Grace. I feel like a freak on display the way they're watching me; waiting for me to crack."  
  
"Karen no one is waiting for you to crack, we're worried, that's all. Come on back out and we'll figure this out, I promise. I nodded and gave Grace a small hug. "Thanks honey, I know this is way more than you ever bargained for, but thanks so much for being here for me. I've been leaning on you way too much the last few months and now this; I just hope you know I'm really grateful."  
  
We went back into the living room and Grace instructed Will to get off the couch so I could lay down.  
  
"Sorry honey," I said to Will as I climbed onto the couch and made myself comfortable.  
  
"Not a problem." Will brought over a blanket and an extra pillow for me.  
  
"Here, try these." Grace said and handed me some crackers. "We'll start small and go from there."  
  
I ate two crackers and decided not to push it by eating anymore.  
  
"Will, do you think I'll have to testify in court?" I asked after taking a sip of water. The thought of having to look at Stan again horrified me and I needed to know what to expect.  
  
"It's hard to say Karen, and I don't think you should be worrying about that right now."`  
  
"Well I am worried about it Will and I need to know what to expect."  
  
"You sure you want to talk about this right now?  
  
I nodded in response to his question and sat up on the couch. Grace sat down next to me and put her arm around my shoulder and pulled me toward her so I was resting my head on her shoulder.  
  
"Well Karen this case is easier than most. As you know the security camera was on when he attacked you and luckily you have video tape backup that hopefully recorded the entire incident. Granted it was dark in the room so the tape may not be as clear as we would want it to be, but there is still the audio portion of the tape to consider. There's no denying what he did to you. If he's smart he'll plead guilty to first degree rape and we can probably avoid having you testify. I've already put in a call to the district attorney's office and they've assigned a great lawyer to your case, you're in good hands.  
  
"What happens to the tape? Who's going to have access to it?"  
  
"Well right now the police have it, if Stan decides to fight the charges they may have to show it in court, but I don't think that's going to happen."  
  
"Will, are you saying that the tape is at the police station right now? Stan has connections in the police department; he could have that tape destroyed."  
  
Will sat and thought for a moment and decided to call the police sergeant in charge of the case.  
  
"Alright Karen, the sergeant said they can have a copy made to be released to your attorney, now the lawyer is set to meet with the sergeant tomorrow to go over the case, he can get a copy then. He's going to have to view the tape anyway so it's good he have a copy.  
  
"Karen, let me just say something before we go any further with this. You've been through a horrific trauma, I'm glad to see you're interested in seeing this brought to justice but you need to go slow. Let your lawyer do the work here, that's what he's there for. I don't want to see you get overwhelmed with the technicalities of the case. Concentrate on getting better and let your lawyer worry about the rest. If it will make you feel better I can stay in contact with the attorney and keep an eye on things."  
  
"I'd feel a lot better knowing you were keeping an eye on things, thanks Will."  
  
"Karen," Jack said as he sat down on the couch next to me, I don't want to push you, but do you want to talk about what happened last night? It's ok if you're not ready to talk about it, but it might help if you did."  
  
"Jack it's all still a blur to tell you the truth. He showed up at the house drunk. He insisted on seeing the baby, but I had just put her to bed and I didn't want him to wake her up. I finally gave in because I knew he wouldn't leave until he saw her so I took him up to the nursery. We had argued while we were downstairs and I guess I must have angered him, but I had no idea he would do this. He got to see her and we were leaving the nursery when he pulled me back into the room. At first I though he was just fooling around. He started kissing me and he reeked of alcohol, I just wanted to get away from him. Before I knew it he had me pinned on the floor and I couldn't get away from him. At first I thought I had a chance to get away because he was so drunk, but he kicked me several times and I was in too much pain to get up. I almost managed to get up at one point, but he kicked me in the face and I was too disoriented after that to try to get away."  
  
"Did he say anything to you Karen?"  
  
"Ugh, he said some pretty awful things Jack, he said I was a bitch and I had gained a lot of weight. He said some other things I won't repeat. He basically made it sound like he was disgusted with me."  
  
"What did he say when it was over Karen?" Jack asked with a look of deep sadness in his eyes.  
  
"Nothing, he didn't say a thing. He just got up and got dressed without saying a word. I sat up and grabbed a quilt from the crib and when he was done getting dressed he kicked me back down to the floor and spit on me. I've never seen anyone so full of anger and hate as he was last night."  
  
"He spit on you Karen?" Will asked with a look of horror and disgust on his face. "Karen, I'm so sorry this happened," Will said, "I should have never encouraged you to have him over."  
  
"Will don't, I had no idea he was capable of this so there is no way you could have known either."  
  
"But that's just it Karen, I told you before when I first went to see him I wasn't comfortable letting him see you. I couldn't put my finger on it, but I knew something wasn't right. And then when I went to see him at the office he seemed a lot better so I didn't think anything of it. I should have known better than to let him visit you alone."  
  
"Will I wasn't alone. There were seven staff members at the house last night when he did this. Samantha was screaming at the top of her lungs, I screamed for help, but no one came. Someone must have heard something, but no one did a thing."  
  
"Guys I don't want to talk about this anymore."  
  
"Ok Karen, like I said we're not going to push you. Do you want me to make you something to eat, you seem to have done ok with the crackers."  
  
"I don't want to eat Jack. I just want to go back to bed."  
  
"If you have a couple more crackers and a cup of tea I'll let you go take a nap," Grace said as she got up from the couch and went over to the stove to make some tea."  
  
"I don't want to Grace, just let me go back to bed."  
  
"No, you need to eat. How do you expect to get better if you can't manage to eat a few crackers?"  
  
"Ugh alright, but you make a mean Mom Grace."  
  
"I can live with that," Grace replied with a smirk.  
  
I felt better after I had the tea and crackers and decided to skip the nap. I played with the baby for a little while and spent the rest of the afternoon relaxing on the couch.  
  
Grace, Will and Jack spent the next several weeks doing everything they could to try to make me feel comfortable and safe. It took some time, but eventually I was ready to think about going back home. I was anxious to get back into a daily routine and spend some time alone with my daughter. I decided to move Samantha into another room; I couldn't bear the thought of being reminded of what Stan did to me every time I put my daughter to bed at night and every time I woke her in the morning. I had Grace decorate the new nursery; nothing from the old nursery was moved into the new one; I considered everything in that room to be tainted and refused to let it contaminate the new room. I locked up the old nursery with everything still in it, maybe one day I would be able to deal with cleaning it out, but for now it was easier to lock it up and forget about it. 


	17. 17

As the months went on I managed to put aside what happened that night and move on with my life. Samantha was a wonderful baby and provided me with more joy than I ever thought possible. By the time her first birthday came around she was walking and knew how to say Momma. Every milestone she reached was cause for celebration. Grace and Jack laughed at the efforts I put forth to celebrate such events, but Will was as enthralled with her as I. Samantha adored Will and when he was in the house she wanted nothing to do with anyone else, including myself. They had a very special bond and I was glad to know she would have a man in her life to look up to. He had become a part of our everyday life and as Samantha grew, their bond only became stronger. Jack adored her as well, but he didn't quite have that paternal instinct that Will had.  
  
Jack and I were still very close of course and spent many late nights discussing his ever changing love life. Grace and I continued to be close friends and I will never forget how much she helped me during the most difficult and frightening time of my life. There were issues I faced soon after the rape that I was only comfortable sharing with her and that sharing forged a bond between us that would never be broken. Grace understood what I was going through as only a woman could, and as much as Jack tried to help me there were some things I just couldn't share with him.  
  
Stan pleaded guilty to first degree rape and was sentenced to five years in prison. I was horrified to learn he would only be put away for five years, and the though of him making parole after only two years scared me to death, but as time went on I was able to get past my fears and accept that there was nothing I could do but move on.  
  
It took a long time before I was able to return to that room. I spent months avoiding going anywhere near it. Samantha was nearly two years old when I was finally able to enter it again. There was still blood on the carpet and Samantha's old crib was unmade and disheveled. I searched through her drawers and found clothes she had never been able to wear. There was a stuffed bunny rabbit Jack had given her sitting in the corner of her crib and a blanket from Grace was folded over the back of the rocking chair. In her closet I found dresses, shoes and bonnets that had never been worn and baby toys that had never been played with. I spent a good hour in that room going through her old things but my moment of reminiscence was interrupted when Samantha woke from her nap. I grabbed the stuffed bunny from the crib and the blanket from the rocking chair and left to retrieve my daughter from her room.  
  
That was the last time I entered that room. I donated the furniture and clothes to a local church and they came and removed everything. Grace had offered to redecorate it and turn into a playroom for Samantha, but I wasn't ready for that. I had come a long way, but a part of me still held onto the horror of that night, and perhaps a part of me always would.  
  
THE END 


End file.
